I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
