guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
