we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
