we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
high people should be assigned attendants
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
