Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize