dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
