Your mouth is God's brothel.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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