remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
