3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
