You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
