Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
