..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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