Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
