Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize