he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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