did you get engaged???
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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