I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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