i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
