there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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