it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
