Moan for me like Helen Keller
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
