I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
