Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
