I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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