Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
