Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
