We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize