Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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