I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
