maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
