Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
