If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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