Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
