I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Randomize
