My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
