is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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