everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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