you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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