In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
