i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
