My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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