mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
