So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
home. puking in laundry basket.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
