Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
