i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
