i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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