I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Randomize
