Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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