I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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