in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He shit in the fireplace
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
