I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
what day is it and did you see me today?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
