I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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