Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
