When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
