So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
