My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
