Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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