I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
