I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
