The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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