In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
how drunk are you?
Several
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
