Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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