I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
