I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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