Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
