just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
