Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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