Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i will never coherently bang her
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
