I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize