shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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