Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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