I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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