I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
